


You Will Find Me

by Anonymous (constantstar)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Angst, M/M, Multi, Smut, high school sweethearts, it's awkward, louis and harry are both single dads, louis and harry are old like 36 ish, their kids might be seeing each other, this is my first fic let's see how it goes yall, um sex probably, we'll see
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-18 02:38:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16986573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/constantstar/pseuds/Anonymous
Summary: AU where Louis and Harry were high school sweethearts who didn't make it. After a hurdle in their relationship, they go their separate ways and Louis doesn't see Harry for years. They're both single parents, and their children have crossed paths, bringing back floods of memories from his long lost relationship with Harry.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Super excited to start this story. If you'd like to see another chapter, leave comments and kudos! Thank you for everyone who gives it a read.

Louis wakes up to the dreadful sound of his alarm, and fuck, he really has meant to change the blaring sound to a different tone, maybe even a song that would peacefully arouse him from his slumber. He would do anything to be able hit snooze right now, but his daughter is probably doing just that in her bed down the hall. Which certainly will not do. He rolls over to cease the persistent beeping, rubbing a hand over his face before pulling out a stretch from each of his limbs. He climbs out of bed and sorts out his sheets, not even noticing the dip in the other side of the mattress where a companion used to sleep.

  


He pulls a pair of worn-out checkered pajama bottoms, yawning as he trudged down the hallway. Sure enough, he could hear the identical sound of his alarm sounding through her bedroom door. He knocks on the door loudly. “C’mon Effy,” he mumbles, his voice rocky from sleep. “You have to be ready in twenty minutes if you don’t want to take the bus.” He waits until he hears her shuffling and shutting off the alarm with a frustrated groan.

  


Louis’ got his morning routine to a science. He puts on a kettle while he showers, taking mere minutes under the hot water pounding his shoulders. He dries off and brushes his teeth. By the time he finishes getting dressed, in some navy slacks with a charcoal grey buttoned-down shirt, Elizabeth is in the kitchen preparing both of their teas, like she does every morning.

  


“I won’t be home after school today,” Elizabeth informs him, holding out Louis’ tea for him to take. She’s got her hair down in a messy plait, wearing a maroon sweater.

  


“Is that right,” Louis huffs. He wonders when Effy got so grown that she believes a statement like that shouldn’t be a question. “You know, you really should be asking me instead of telling me.”

  


“Yeah, yeah Dad,” Effy laughs with a wave of her hand, taking a sip of her tea. “I’ll be back by curfew. Oh, and I left that form you’ve been bugging me about on the counter. I don’t know why you care so much about meeting my teachers anyway, it’s not like I’m in primary anymore.”

  


“I’m not going for the purpose of having a friendly chat with your teachers. I have to make sure you’re keeping your marks up and not causing trouble.”

  
Louis has always tried to be as involved as possible with Effy’s schooling. He’ll stay up late helping her with homework. He likes to keep in contact with her teachers through yearly conferences and the occasional email if Effy seems to be having trouble.

  


“Whatever. Fill it out and pick the time slot you want and I’ll bring it in this morning.”

  


“‘Whatever’ me again and I’ll be seeing you straight after school,” Louis says, in a sing-song voice. “Where are you headed anyway?”

  
Effy hesitates, and Louis squints at her in suspicion. She has been spending a lot of the time out of the house, as Louis has been trying to give her a bit more freedom since she turned 16. It’s a bit mad really, how fast she has grown. Louis became a father at a really young age, and he’s always felt so extremely protective of his little Elizabeth Johannah. She was born shortly after his mother passed, which is what inspired the blue-eyed girl’s middle name. She resembles him more than her mother- they share the same eyes, nose, and bone structure. He does still see her mother in the way Effy talks and laughs, but it doesn’t hurt. They weren’t right for each other, but all he can do is appreciate his perfect daughter. He wouldn’t want anyone to influence her or steer her off of her path.

  
“Just going to Jade’s,” Effy answers, taking the completed form and slipping it into her backpack. “Like I said, I’ll be back by ten o’clock.”

  
“Alright,” Louis agrees, but his tone is hesitant. He is trying his best to give her space, considering how strict he was before she turned 16, but it’s extremely difficult. He worries about her so much.

  
They’re out the door within the next moment or so, cringing at the crisp November air as they rush to the car. Louis drops her off at school like he always does when she walks up early enough, kissing her on the cheek before sending her off.

***

Louis isn’t the only single parent at conferences. He’s not. But he is in the minority. And he can’t help but feel as if people are looking at him, whether it’s in pity or judgment. And what century is it? For all they know, he’s married, and his wife- or husband, but that’s probably not the immediate assumption of others- works just as he does, and he was the only one who was available, and fuck, is it really all that uncommon to be a single parent? No, it’s fucking 2029. Maybe he’s one of the few who actually shows up to these things.  
He’s still dressed from work, in a light blue buttoned-top shirt than contrasts beautifully with his warm-toned skin, and light grey slacks that hug his muscular legs nicely. He’s waiting outside the door for his last appointment with Effy’s art teacher. The parents inside are running a bit behind schedule, about ten minutes over when their appointment was supposed to end, and it’s not that big of a deal except it is. Louis wants to go home. Is art even all that important anyway? Effy has abilities, he knows that.

  
Just as he has all but convinced himself that he should just leave, the door is opening and a deep drawl is filling his ears.

  


“So, so lovely speaking with you again. I am so proud of Jacob’s artwork this semester,” the voice says lowly. Louis isn’t sure why, but something in his blood goes cold. He feels wrong.  


“Always a pleasure, Mr. Styles! Your son is so gifted,” Ms. Edwards, Effy’s art teacher, pipes up. Styles. Louis only knows of one person named Styles.

  


“Call me Harry, please. Have a lovely night.

”  


“And you as well.”

Fuck.  


Louis kind of wants the ground to swallow him up right now, because as Mr. Styles walks out the door and goes to politely hold it open for the next parent, who happens to be Louis, they make eye contact. 

It’s weird, seeing someone you used to know like the back of your hand, look so different. It’s not like Louis hasn’t tried to creep on his social media profiles before, but Harry isn’t big on being online. His last facebook profile picture was uploaded two years ago, and it’s a picture of a cat.

  
The last time Louis saw him, he was soft around the edges, with a crown of curls framing his head, stopping just around his ears. The man in front of him is… well, a man. He still has the same large, green, doe-like eyes and puffy lips, but his face is chiseled and thin. And. Well. fuck. That crown of curls has grown into a mane of soft waves that meet his fucking shoulders. He’s wearing a black blazer with a matching black underneath, and the buttons are buttoned up mismatched, as if he put them together in a rush. God what was he doing before he got here? Not that it matters. A ridiculous, floral scarf hangs around his shoulders and down his chest. Louis is speechless as they immediately recognize each other.

  


“Um, hi. Sorry we went over our time slot,” Harry says slowly. He looks away awkwardly. And what the hell? Is he really pretending he doesn’t know who is standing right in front of him.

  


“Oh, it’s no problem mate,” Louis coughs, adjusting one of his sleeves that’s been pushed to his elbows, tattooed fore arms exposed. “Not like I have anywhere to be.”

  


“Right. Good luck,” Harry mumbles, letting Louis take the door and walk inside.

  


“Thanks.”

  


The conference goes fine, Effy’s having no issues as expected, besides the fact that she had to have her seat moved to a different table for being a bit too chatty. Louis expected nothing less. He’s fidgeting though the whole session, trying to get Harry’s long hair and green eyes out of his head.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some sad flashbacks in this chapter. A little insight to what happened between Louis and Harry.

Louis can’t stop thinking about Harry. And it sucks, because he only saw him for a moment, so it’s hard to piece together in his head the beautiful image of Harry. He looked so completely transformed to Louis’ memory of him. Older, broader, _taller_ , deeper. How could someone age so gracefully? Louis starts to feel self-conscious of the white flecks that have begun to sprout in his well-groomed, stubbly beard as he remembers how incredibly youthful Harry looks. 

He shaves his beard the morning after the conference, nicking himself right below his cheekbone. He curses and presses a finger to the wound to stop the bleeding, rinsing the razor in the sink. He’s a little distracted.

He’d be lying if he said that he hasn’t thought about Harry throughout the last 15 or so years. He does think about Harry every so often. They were together for so long, or at least it felt like that at the time, for the entirety of their high school years. But they haven’t spoken in so many years and Louis hasn’t seen his face for even longer. All he has is the photo albums tucked onto the shelf in his closet, which has been collecting dust for as long as he can remember. And god, Louis didn’t even know he had a son. When the hell did that happen? If he is the same age as Effy, then they must have had children around the same time… but as far as he knows, that is impossible. When did Harry have a kid? And what is he doing back home? 

Louis had kept in touch with Liam for a couple of years after their breakup. Harry didn’t take it well. He was always so convinced that he and Louis were soulmates, that they’d never break up. Any time he asked Liam, he said Harry wasn’t seeing anyone seriously and was taking advantage of his first time being single since the age of fourteen- partying, alcohol, hooking up with anyone he found attractive. Louis just couldn’t listen to it anymore, so he stopped asking, hoping that eventually Harry would get in control of his life.

And he clearly has. Louis could tell just by looking at him. He looked like a million bucks when Louis saw him that night. The scarf he wore was unmistakably Gucci, and his blazer was tailored perfectly. Louis can’t get the look of Harry’s face when he saw him out of his head. It’s burned into his brain. 

He’s glad. Glad that Harry has sorted his life out and has his own family. Without Louis. That he moved on from Louis. That he doesn’t need Louis anymore. Just like Louis wanted for him all those years ago.

_”Please Louis,” Harry sniffled. Louis can hear the pain in his voice. It hurts to hurt him this much, but he knows it’s for the best. “I don’t want to let you go. You’re my person. We’re supposed to make it.”_

_“We’re not supposed to do anything, Harry. Don’t you see that? Just because we were together for years, doesn’t mean we are meant for life. We were young, we had our run. It was a good six years. We’re family. But I have my own family to take care of now.”_

_Harry sobs come through the phone. He inhales sharply. “I can help. I wanna be there for you Louis, I want to a part of your family.”_

_“Maybe you can, some day. But not now, you need to find something of your own. We’ve been too wrapped up in each other for so long. We need to be our own people.”_

_Harry only sobs harder. Harry’s not usually this emotional, although he’s never been afraid to have a cry every now and then. But he’s never heard Harry cry like this. It feels like a stab to his heart to be putting his former partner through this, but it’s the only solution. They both need this._

_Harry doesn’t answer. He just breathes heavily as he cries. “You promised.”_

_Louis feels a lump form in his throat. “I’m sorry, Harry. I have to go now. “_

_“Please.”_

_“Goodbye, Harry.”  
_

That was the last time they’d spoken. There had been many phone calls similar to that one throughout Erica’s pregnancy. But that wasn’t even the worst one. God, the worst one had to be the first one. When Harry found out he was having a baby. 

__  
_“H-Hi Louis,” Harry’s voice sounded over the phone. He was nervous, Louis could tell. His voice gets broken and deep when he’s nervous. “You picked up this time.”  
“Hello, Harry. I don’t have a lot of time to talk,” Louis says quietly. He can’t let this phone call get out of hand. The last time they had spoken, Louis had told them they needed to take a break. See what’s out there and try again later. _

__

__

__

__

_“Oh, um. That’s fine. I just wanted to tell you. I quit the bakery.”_

_“What? Why, Harry? You need that job.”_

_“I got one. A different one.”_

_“Oh,” Louis says softly. He wasn’t expecting that at all. If he had to guess, he would’ve said Harry would be working at the bakery for the rest of his life. “That’s great, Harry.”_

_“Thanks,” Harry says shortly. “I, um, wanted to ask you something…”_

_“Harry…”_

_“…because I know you said we needed a break. And you were right, Louis. I get it now. But I- I think I’m okay now. I got this great job, and we got some space from each other, and I think maybe. If you want, maybe we could get coffee—"_

_“Harry. I can’t,” Louis interrupts him. He knew the call would come to this. Harry doesn’t understand, though. It isn’t just about moving on career wise. They need to grow as people. And Louis has found somewhere else he belongs to._

_“Why not?” Harry asks weakly. “You said, you know, we could try again. If we both got some space.”_

_“It’s been six months Harry. A lot has changed,” Louis sighs, closing his eyes and wincing at the words that came out of his mouth. It does hurt to leave all that he has with Harry behind, but this is what needs to happen. It’s for the best._

_“What do you mean?” Harry asks, panic filling his voice. “You said- you told me, Louis. You told me it was just a break. Just a break.”_

_“Harry I can’t do this. I have to go. I’m busy,” Louis says sharply._

_“Louis, baby, please. We can work on it, yeah? This job, it pays really well. We can get a new flat, just start fresh. Please.”_

_Louis’ eyes fill with tears. “I am starting fresh. I can’t start fresh with you.”_

_Harry’s voice becomes shaky. “I-I don’t understand, Louis. We love each other. It was just a break, yeah? Like you said? Just a break?”_

_Louis winces again. He doesn’t answer._

_“What’s changed, Louis? Tell me.”_

_Louis bites his tongue._

_“Tell me,” Harry begs._

_“I’m having a baby.”_

_Harry is silent on the other line for what feels like years._

_“You’re…”_

_“Having a baby, Harry,” Louis says, his throat wobbling as he holds back tears. “I’m- I’m with someone. She’s pregnant.”_

_Saying he was “with someone” was a strong phrase. Erica, at least for now, is only the mother of his future child. But Louis doesn’t want his baby to grow up with one parent, just like he did. He wants to try to love her. Try to be whole._

_“I can’t believe you,” Harry says, passion filling his voice. He takes a deep breath. “Congratulations. You’ll make a_ great _dad.”_

_Harry hangs up the phone._

__

Harry had called him several times over the next months, begging to be allowed back into Louis’ life, as a lover or not. But the idea hurt Louis too much. He was addicted and dependent on Harry for so many years, and he needed a clean break. 

Louis sighs as he remembers the phone calls and the desperation in Harry’s voice. He goes to work—yes, work on a Saturday. Absolutely wicked. 

As Louis sits at his desk, he stares at a photo of Effy standing by his computer. She’s about five in the photo, wearing her hair in pigtails and winking at the camera, giving a big cheeky smile and a thumbs up. As if on cue, his phone buzzes and her picture flashes on the screen.

“Hello darling,” he greets. 

“Hey dad.”

“Let me guess, you’re calling to let me know you’re going to Jade’s again,” Louis says, using a falsely annoyed tone. “Gonna leave your dad to have dinner alone again?”

“You know, you could go out too. You should make a Tinder,” Effy laughs. Louis coughs at the thought of dating, shaking the image of Harry’s lips out of his head.

“I will not be making a Tindle anytime soon. When will you be home?”

“Actually,” Effy says, and Louis can tell that she’s about to ask for something unusual. 

“Oh no, what is it?”

“Nothing! I just was wondering if someone could come over tonight. A friend,” Effy says hesitantly. “Their dad will drop them off. You can meet him. He wants to meet you.”

“Is this just a friend we’re talking about, love?” Louis asks sternly. 

“Yes! Just a friend. Um, their dad is just really strict. And he likes to meet the parents before allowing h-- my friend over other people’s houses.”

“Effy,” Louis sighs. “Be honest. I can tell when you’re lying.”

Effy huffs. “Okay, fine. His name is Jake, okay? His dad found out. And he insisted on meeting me.”

“Effy,” Louis gasps. “How long? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was afraid you wouldn’t approve! I’m sorry. Please, can he come over? His dad really wants to meet me. And Jake really wants to meet you. Please Dad?”

Louis sighs. “Fine. I’ll make dinner. But after tonight, we are having a serious conversation. And your curfew will be cut short for a month”

“Great! Thanks, dad,” Effy says sweetly. “They’ll be over at half six.”

“Okay,” Louis agrees. “He better not be a prick.”

“You’ll love him!”

“I find that hard to believe. Bye Effy.”

“Love you!”

“You too.”

 

…

Louis makes his best dish: chicken breast stuffed with mozzarella cheese, wrapped with Parma ham, with a side of homemade of mashed potatoes. He made it on his fourth anniversary with Harry, at just eighteen years old, and it’s been a favorite ever since. Effy loves it at well, and he’s happy to be having dinner with her for the first time in a while.

Effy mashes the potatoes for him as he sets the table, the chicken dish browning to a golden crisp in the oven. She’s looks nice-- as always--- but unusually nice for a simple dinner. She’s wearing a cream blouse and a nice pair of trousers. She’s even put on some light makeup. Louis decided to stay casual, wearing a short-sleeved button down and some skinny jeans from when he was twenty-five. And yes, they do still make his ass look amazing, thank you very much.

He sets out three plates, but then adds a fourth, just in case Jake’s dad would like to join. He opens the oven and checks on the food, before removing it from the oven and placing it on a rack on the counter. He hears a doorbell ring. 

“I’ll get it!” Effy yelps, running to the door.

He hears Effy excitedly greet their guests. He can’t hear what she’s saying, but he can tell she is excited to see him. Two male voices chime in, one significantly deeper than the other.

Effy runs up the stairs, holding a small bouquet of sunflowers. 

“They’re in the sitting room,” she says cheerfully, setting the sunflowers in a vase. 

“Great. Dinner is ready,” Louis chirps, placing a heavy platter of potatoes on the kitchen table. “I’ll be right out.”

Louis washes his hands and walks into the parlor. His eyes fall first on Jake. He’s a tall boy with blonde hair. He’s wearing a black, buttoned shirt, and trousers. He looks like he’s probably the most popular kid at his school. Athletic, attractive, probably rich. 

But that doesn’t even matter because Harry Styles is sitting right next to him.

Louis stares.

Harry stares back.

Louis coughs. “Hello! Welcome. Very nice to meet you.”

Harry stands up first.  
“Lovely to meet you, Mr. Tomlinson,” he says charmingly, holding out his hand for Louis to shake. Louis takes it and grips it tightly, as an attempt of assertion. But Harry’s large hand envelopes his in a firm grasp, not breaking eye contact, smile not faltering. Louis clears his throat and looks towards Jake. “I’m Harry, Harry Styles. And this is my son, Jacob.”

“Jake, sir,” he says, holding out his hand and smiling confidently. “So great to meet you. You have a lovely home.”

Louis shakes his hand and smiles nervously, clearing his throat a second time. “Good to meet you, son. I’d say I’ve heard a lot about you, but I just found out you existed today.” He throws a glance towards Harry. “I hope you’re being good to my daughter.”

“Dad,” Effy says in a warning tone. 

“You have nothing to worry about, Mr. Tomlinson!”

Harry nods in agreement. “I’ve raised him well.”

“I’m sure,” Louis says, sickeningly sweet. “Harry, right? Harry, will you be joining us for dinner?”

“Oh, I don’t want to trouble you, just stopping by to say hello. I’ve just come from work.”

“Don’t be silly!” Effy pipes up enthusiastically. “Dad’s made so much food. Eat with us! No point in driving home and coming back for Jake later.”

Louis did raise his daughter to be polite. He’s mentally kicking himself for it now.

Harry turns to Louis. “As long as Lou-- “he stops mid-sentence. “Mr. Tomlinson doesn’t mind.”

How is Louis supposed to possibly say no without looking like a complete asshole?

“Of course not. I’ve made my best dish,” Louis says. _It was your favorite._

“If you insist.”

…

(Dinner goes fine. Not awkward at all. Until Louis says, “Babes, would you pass me the potatoes?” and both Effy and Harry reach for the platter. Louis and Harry exchange glances, and suddenly Harry’s charm has been flushed down the toilet. Their faces beam red for a good five minutes.)

…

“Thank you so much for dinner, Mr. T.,” Jacob says politely, helping him clear the table. Harry’s at the sink, rinsing off the dishes and putting them in the dishwasher.

“You’re very welcome,” Louis says. He still can’t really believe what’s happening. He and Harry really just spent the last hour pretending they had no idea who each other were. And, in a sense, they don’t really know each other. Harry seems to have completely transformed himself.

Harry’s a lawyer. A successful one, too. It’s not surprising. Harry is good at convincing or charming anyone into essentially anything. He’s so much more confident than Louis remembers. He carries himself proudly, speaks more clearly and with more purpose. It’s kind of annoying how attractive it is. 

Louis needs to confront him.

“Hey, why don’t you take Jacob to watch some telly? We’ll finish cleaning up,” Louis says quietly to Effy. No way in hell is she going to ‘no’ to that. She grabs his hand drags him to the sitting room.

An awkward silence hangs in the room as Harry is stowing their used glasses into the dishwasher.

“Our children are dating,” Louis says.

“That they are.”

“I didn’t know you had a kid. Or kids. Or that you were married,” Louis says, eyes flickering down to Harry’s rings.

“Why would you? We haven’t spoken since before…Elizabeth was born.”

“I needed time.” Harry scoffs.

“You sure did. Doesn’t matter now. And I’m not married, these are strictly accessories.”

“If Jake is the same age as Effy, then you had a baby around the same time as me. And you never said a word.”

Harry’s silent for a moment.

“I didn’t have a baby,” he says quietly. “He was six. I adopted him. I was twenty-five.”

Louis stares at him. “And you weren’t married?” Harry shakes his head. He closes the dishwasher door and dries his hands with a towel, leaning against the counter and crossing his arms. He’s wearing the blazer again, this time with no scarf. His shirt has a few buttons undone, where a cross necklace peeks between two tattoos.

“Didn’t want to wait. Didn’t even think marriage was in the cards anymore. Not for a while.”

Louis stares at him. “That’s really brave of you. Doing it on your own and all.”

“You are as well.”

“Not the way you are. Not in the beginning, and not for so long.”

“I didn’t seem to have much of a choice. I had just graduated and gotten a job. Everything was perfect. I didn’t want a relationship, at least not a romantic one. But I wanted to start a family. Be a dad.”

“Good for you,” Louis says sincerely. “He seems like a good kid.”

“Best thing to ever happen to me.”

Louis swallows the lump in his throat. He can’t help but wonder what his life would be like if he and Harry never broke up. But then he wouldn’t have Effy, and he can’t picture a life without her. But something inside him believes Harry should’ve been a part of her life, and that they should be a family. Their kids? _Dating?_ It’s so bizarre. 

“Thank you for dinner. Still the only dish you know how to make?” Harry teases, smiling weakly.

Louis huffs. “Seem to remember it was your favorite.”

“It was,” Harry says, biting his lip. “I’ve tried to make it myself, but it never comes out the same.”

“You’re welcome here for dinner any time,” Louis says it before he can stop himself. Harry looks up, eyes shining.

“Maybe I’ll take you up on that,” Harry says. “Maybe this is a sign, you know? That we should get closure. And maybe, um, be friends.”

Louis nods his head and smiles. “Maybe you’re right.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you read the chapter I would just like it to be noted, I know the chapters are really short so far and it may seem like Louis and Harry have already peaked so early on, but trust me, there is angst to come. (Just a tiny bit in this chapter, but more to come.) I intend on this fic being on the longer side, with some more conflict and some angsty backstory. Hope you enjoy this chapter!

When Louis woke the next morning, he had to look at his phone to make sure the night before wasn’t some bizarre dream. He and Harry exchanged phone numbers last night, as they had both changed theirs since the last time they spoke over the phone. He unlocks his phone, pulling up the Messages app and checking to make sure his new thread with Harry was still there, with the goodnight texts they had sent each other after Harry had left with Jacob. Sure enough, Harry’s name stared him right in the face. Louis smiled to himself. It feels refreshing to have Harry back in his life- like something has been missing for years and he didn’t even realize it.

After he and Harry had finished cleaning up after dinner, they entered the living room to find Effy asleep on the couch and Jacob asleep on the lounge chair. He showed Harry around the house, and they ended up sharing a bottle of wine. They sat on the floor of Louis’ bedroom, after Louis had dug up a photo album consisting of Effy’s baby pictures. 

_  
“This one’s her first day of school,” Louis says proudly, pointing to a photo of Effy in a tiny crewneck. She wore shiny buckled shoes and she was missing one of her front teeth. “She nagged me for months before she finally got to go. Asked me every day when she would get to go to school. I think she was always jealous of seeing my sisters go every day.”_

_Harry cooed, flipping through the pages. “She’s absolutely precious,” he says, pursing his lips. “I wish I could have seen Jacob’s very first day of school. But I noticed that it doesn’t go away, that feeling you get every time school starts up again and you send them off, no matter how old they get.”_

_“You’re so right,” Louis agrees. He flips through the photos as Harry looks over his shoulder, giggling at a picture of Louis and Effy when she was a toddler. Louis was wearing a pink feather scarf and a tiara, and Effy wore a pink skirt and held a wand._

_“Alright, alright,” Louis says closes the album. “I think that’s enough for tonight.”_

_“Oh no,” Harry says, pouting. “I want to see more.”_

_“This isn’t boring you at all? Just the two of us on my floor, staring at a bunch of baby photos?”_

_“Are you kidding? I love seeing you in tiaras,” Harry laughs, but then he pauses, looking Louis in the eye. “Of course, it’s not boring, Louis. I may not have been around when she was growing up, but I care about her, because she’s yours.”_

_Louis bites his lip and sighs. “Not your fault.”_

_“Maybe not. But…” Harry trails off, running his hand through his hair. “I kind of smothered you. When you left. I mean, decided to move on. And I’m sorry, I know you must’ve been going through a lot with work and the pregnancy… and your mum, Louis. I’m so sorry. I don’t blame you for needing a clean break.”_

_Louis looks at him, surprised. He has been so used to blaming himself for everything that happened between him and Harry, because he was the one who put it all behind and put Harry through so much. After hearing Harry apologize, he realizes that Harry is right. Having a baby when you’re not exactly ready, and without your mother there to guide you, is stressful enough, and Harry didn’t exactly respect that as well as he could have._

_“Thank you,” Louis murmurs. “I never thought about it that way… But thank you. It was hard. The transition from… us to my new life. But trust me, Harry. I don’t blame you at all.”_

_Harry gives him a sad smile. “Good to know.”_

_“Have any embarrassing pictures of you and Jacob on your phone, by chance?”_

_Harry beams at him._

__

Louis smiles to himself at the memory. He rolls over in bed, feeling like he’s slept better than he has in years. It’s Sunday, so he’s in no rush to be out the door, and he’s made amends with one of the most important people who has ever been in his life. He couldn’t ask for a better way to wake up.

He pads sleepily down the hall, the wooden floors cold against his feet. He enters the kitchen and decides that today is good enough to make breakfast. He’s not much of a morning eater, but he could at least make something for Effy. He puts a kettle on and cracks some eggs into a frying pan and hums at the sizzling sound it makes. He pops some bread into the toaster. He can here Effy opening her bedroom door, as if on cue. The smell or sound of food being prepared will always summon her without fail.

“Finally. It’s been ages since I’ve had a proper breakfast,” She says in a sleep-coated voice. 

“You know how to make eggs, darling,” Louis hums. “Don’t have to wait for me.”

He slides the eggs onto a plate, butters the toast, and prepares her tea. Milk and no sugar, just like him. He places the meal in front of her and kisses her head. She thanks him with a sweet smile.

After drinking two cups of tea while Effy ate her breakfast, Louis returns to his room. He is about to hop into his shower when he hears his phone buzzing against his side table. He’s definitely not hoping it’s Harry. He scrambles to retrieve it, heart fluttering as he sees Harry’s name flash across the screen. It’s a text- well a few, actually.

_  
Was really good catching up last night. Xx_

_Would like to catch up again sometime soon._

_Maybe we could get lunch today?_

__

Louis bites his lip, unsure if Harry means the two of them, or the four of them. Before he can answer, Harry’s typing again.

_If you’re busy, that’s fine. Jacob’s not home today so it’s a quiet Sunday. Just thought we could continue our chat from last night. Xx_  


__Louis grins, trying to ignore the fluttering in his stomach as he read Harry’s texts. It’s completely wrong for him to get this excited about seeing Harry. He shakes off the nerves, blaming it on the rush of reconnecting after so many years, and nothing more._ _

__**Not busy at all ! How’s Sonny’s at noon ?** _ _

__…_ _

__Louis changes his outfit twice before he decides he should not be worrying this much about an outfit when this is definitely not a date in any way, shape, or form. He finally tugs on some tailored, checkered plaid black and grey trousers and a long-sleeved black shirt. He pulls on his jacket and a scarf and he’s rushing out the door with a quick kiss goodbye to Effy._ _

__“Lock the door behind me, love. I won’t be gone long, so don’t get any ideas.”  
…_ _

__He sees Harry at a small, two-seated table in the corner of the café, wearing a cream knit sweater. His hair is pulled back into a bun, and Louis tries to ignore the image of Harry flipping his hair back to tie it up into a perfect knot on his head. He shakes the thought away and approaches the table. Harry’s reading a book, but he looks up and closes it as he sees Louis approach him out of the corner of his eye._ _

__“Hey,” Harry greets, smiling shyly. “How are you? Since last night, I mean.”_ _

__“Good. Had breakfast with Effy. Slept great. What’s Jake up to today that made you wanna have lunch with little ol’ me?” He’s not flirting at all, that would be terribly inappropriate._ _

__“He’s gone to a game with his friends,” Harry says with a chuckle. “But I’m allowed to have lunch with whoever I please.”  
Louis ignore the blush that is probably blooming across his cheeks. “This for me?” he asks, reaching for an untouched, but still, hot cup of tea._ _

__“Yeah, with milk, right? Was hoping you’d still take it the same,” Harry says shyly, pushing the cup towards him carefully._ _

__“Some things never change, Harold,” Louis chirps, sipping on the tea. “Perfect.”_ _

__“So about last ni—”_ _

__“What you said last ni—”_ _

__They both cut in at the same time, before laughing simultaneously. Harry waves his hand nonchalantly. “You go first.”_ _

__“What you said last night… I really appreciate it Harry. Losing my mum was really hard and I have to admit, a big part of me wanted you around while I was going though that. But I just wasn’t ready.”_ _

__“I know. That’s why I did stop calling when I did, when I heard the news. But I do feel awful for the way we left things. I am so sorry if you were ever stressing over… our situation when you had… bigger things right in front of you.”_ _

__“I forgive you. I know how hard it was on you when we ended,” Louis says, looking down at his tea and watching the way it swirls. “But I couldn’t be the one that was there for you anymore. I hope you understand that.”_ _

__“I do, one-hundred percent. And it was better off that way, I needed to heal on my own. I learned a lot, you know? About myself, and about why we didn’t work out. I made peace with it.”_ _

__Louis smiles sadly. “I’m sorry for never getting back in touch. Shouldn’t have taken us this long.”_ _

__Harry looks at him for a moment, eyes shining. “It’s fine, Lou. We’re here now. The fact that we can sit right here and just say... even just ‘hello’ means we’ve already won, I think. After everything we’ve been through? That’s big. We’ve grown. It’s in the past, innit?”_ _

__Louis gives a half smile. “I suppose it is.”_ _

__…_ _

__They sit in the café for close to two hours long after they have ordered and finished their food and their tea has gone cold, telling as many stories as they can bounce off one another from the past decade and a half. It’s so natural, Louis feels like he’s eighteen again. It’s like they were never apart, but now they have so much to share with one another. Louis drives home with his heart fluttering in his chest._ _

__…_ _

__When Louis gets home, Effy’s on the couch watching the TV. She greets him quietly without taking her eyes off the screen. He suddenly remembers they never talked about the consequences for her lying to him about Jacob. He pulls of his scarf and coat and hangs it by the door._ _

__“You may want to pause that,” he says. “We need to talk, young lady.”_ _

__“Rats,” Effy mumbles, clicking the remote. “I thought maybe you forgot, after you made best friends with Jake’s dad.”_ _

__Louis coughs. “We’re not best friends. We’re your parents, and you two are young. We were simply discussing ground rules and boundaries.”_ _

__“Rules must be really funny to you two, then,” Effy says, shaking her head. “Heard you both laughing for hours last night.”_ _

__Louis looks away awkwardly. Effy wouldn’t suspect a thing about him and Harry being any more than acquaintances that just met, Louis knows that. Because Effy doesn’t even know that Louis is into men. In fact, she doesn’t know that he is into to men way more than he is into women. Louis has always made abundantly clear that Effy should love who ever her heart desires, as long as she’s careful and doesn’t get herself hurt. But after his marriage failed and he was left not only without the mother of his child, but without Harry, Louis found it difficult to get back into dating. When he did date, he kept it a secret because he never had the feeling that the relationship would last. He’s just never found a good moment to explain his interests to her. There’s not really a reason to unless he’s seeing someone seriously, or if Effy ended up coming out herself, he’d want to support her. But so far, he’s just never felt it was necessary to bring up. He knows Effy has no idea about him and Harry and has no reason to believe Louis would be interested in him, but her catching on to their immediate friendship still makes him uneasy._ _

__“A parent doesn’t forget this kind of thing,” Louis chuckles. “You know you’re a bit young to be dating, love. You should have told me. And you never said how long it’s been going on.”_ _

__“Everyone my age is dating!” Effy exclaims. Louis gives her a look. She knows that’s the least mature point she could have possibly made. “Fine. You’re right. But it’s only been a thing for like a week.”_ _

__Louis raises an eyebrow._ _

__“I swear! I was really going to Jade’s. They’re friends, too,” Effy insists. “But he only told me he liked me about a week ago.”  
Louis nods slowly, absorbing the information. He does know Jade’s family pretty well, so he’s confident that nothing he wouldn’t approve on was going on at their house._ _

__“That’s fair. I suppose you did tell me soon enough,” Louis says carefully. “But I don’t appreciate the way I found out, with you saying he was just a friend and all. What would have happened when they showed up? Would’ve been a huge misunderstanding between me and Jake’s dad.”_ _

__“I know, I was just scared you wouldn't let me see him. I am sorry, Dad.”_ _

__“Fair enough. You can continue to see him, and I won’t cut your curfew,” Effy squeals and gives him a hug. “Alright, don’t make me change my mind, love. And there will be rules. Absolutely no sleepovers. And you will share your location with me when you two are out. Understand?”_ _

__He can tell Effy is trying not to roll her eyes, but she can’t really argue when she is on such thin ice. “Fair.”_ _

__“You’re damn right it’s fair,” Louis chuckles. “I think I’m being generous. You’re only fifteen, Effy. You have plenty of time for freedom when you’re… let’s see, thirty?”_ _

__“Yeah, we’ll see about that,” Effy laughs._ _

__…  
Louis isn’t surprised when Effy asks to see Jacob that evening. He gives her a ride to their meeting spot for the night, which is at a local bowling alley. He gives her one last lecture before sending off._ _

__“Do not leave the bowling alley,” Louis says sternly._ _

__“I know.”_ _

__“Don’t talk to strangers. Don’t accept any illegal substances. Or any substances, for that matter.”_ _

__Effy laughs. “I know, Dad! I’m not five. Let me go, he’s waiting for me.”_ _

__“Fine, go on then. I’ll pick you up at nine-thirty.”_ _

__Effy nods and gives him a hug before hopping out of the car and rushing towards the door. She looks back at him and waves before entering the building and Louis’ heart leaps in his chest._ _

__…_ _

__Louis spends the evening alone with a bottle of wine, take away food, and the TV. He’s flipping through the channels indecisively when he hears a knock at his door. He pauses the TV and pulls a confused face, reluctantly heaving himself up from the sofa and making his way to the door. He looks through the peephole and is shocked to see Harry on his front step, staring at the ground and tapping his foot impatiently. He’s about to knock again when Louis opens the door. Harry looks up at him with an intense look on his face._ _

__“Harry,” Louis says hesitantly. “What’re you doing here?”_ _

__Harry looks at the ground. “I, um. I knew they’d be out. Jake and Effy.”_ _

__“Right…”_ _

__“I just…” Harry trails off. His hands are shaking at his sides, so he shoves them in the pockets of his coat. He takes a step closer to Louis and makes eye contact briefly, his eyes flickering over Louis’ face. Down to his lips, then back to his eyes, then down again. “I needed to see you.”_ _

__Louis’ breath hitches as Harry gets even closer. Harry’s now using his arm to support himself on the door frame, his face hovering dangerously close to Louis’. “Really needed to see you.”_ _

__“Harry,” Louis breathes._ _

__“Lou…” Harry whispers, his voice rough and cracking. Their lips are just a few inches from touching. Louis can feel something stirring low in his stomach, his heart beating faster by the second. Harry parts his lips and breathes softly, tilting his head so his lips are just barely brushing the corner of Louis’ lips_ _

__“Please,” Harry says almost inaudibly against Louis’ cheek._ _

__Their eyes are locked for just a second before they’re both flickering down to each other’s mouths. Louis can’t stop himself when he matches Harry’s movements, tilting his head the opposite way so their lips are locking together. Harry immediately whimpers, hand rising to hold Louis’ waist gently and deepening the kiss._ _

__Louis pulls back abruptly. “No.”_ _

__Harry’s eyes are closed when they part. He’s breathing heavily as he looks at Louis from between hooded eyelids. “Louis.”_ _

__“We can’t, Harry, you know we can’t. You should go home.”_ _

__“I should,” Harry agrees. Louis’ stirs with arousal at just the sound of his voice. “But I don’t want to. I don’t think you want me to, either.”_ _

__Louis bites his lip and Harry’s leaning in again, but he doesn’t go for his lips. He leans in right against Louis’ ear. His hand wraps around behind Louis to his lower back, sneaking under Louis’ shirt and caressing the warm skin there._ _

__“Tell me to leave again, and I will,” he says hotly, hand sliding down from his back and under the tight material of Louis’ jeans. He presses a kiss behind Louis’ ear, and then his neck. Louis’ skin feels like it’s on fire. “Say the word and I’m gone. Do you want me to leave you here, all by yourself?”_ _

__Louis’ holding his breath, because he knows if he lets himself breathe, a moan will escape his lips. Harry sinks his teeth gently into the soft skin between Louis’ neck and shoulder, running his tongue over it and sucking. “No.”_ _

__“No?”_ _

__“No,” Louis murmurs softly. “No, I don’t want you to go. But you have to.”_ _

__Harry pulls back immediately, removing his hand from Louis’ jeans and his mouth from his neck. He looks at Louis, his eyes dark and eyebrows knitted together._ _

__“I’ll go,” Harry mumbles, wiping at his lips with the back of his hand. “I’ll go. I’m sorry.”_ _

__“I know.” Louis looks away before he can change his mind. “Get home safely.”_ _

__“Thanks.”_ _

__He doesn’t look up until Harry’s pulling out of his driveway. He returns inside and shuts the door behind him, leaning back against it. His head leans back against the wood, and he stares at the ceiling, trying to catch his breath. His cock is hard against the fly of his jeans. Louis curses himself for getting so worked up over such a brief kiss, but he can’t blame himself. Harry was so good at nineteen years old, and Louis wants so badly to what he’s like after fifteen years of experience._ _

__“Fucker,” Louis curses, rushing to unzip his jeans. He shoves his hand down the front of his briefs, gripping his hard cock, tugging slowly and fucking into his fist. When he comes into his fist, he pictures painting Harry’s lips, tongue, and cheeks._ _

__…_ _

__

__Louis takes a shower to wash away the guilt he feels after getting off to the thought of Harry. He can’t face his daughter without scrubbing himself clean. He ends up pulling up to the bowling alley five minutes late. He sees Harry’s car parked with Jacob sitting in the passenger seat, most likely waiting to make sure Effy gets picked up, which Louis appreciates. Effy hops into the car with a blank expression, barely glancing over to Louis._ _

__“I’m sorry I’m late, darling,” Louis apologizes, looking behind him as he pulls out of the parking spot. “Didn’t mean to keep you waiting.”_ _

__“That’s not it,” Effy huffs, staring out the window with her arms crossed over his chest._ _

__“What’s wrong, then? Date didn’t go well?” Louis asks worriedly. “Did he upset you?”_ _

__“He didn’t do anything,” Effy says. “Nothing at all.”_ _

__Louis bites his tongue. “You can tell me, you know.”_ _

__“I know,” Effy says, nodding. “He didn’t do a thing.”_ _

__“Okay, sweetheart. Let me know if you want to talk about it.”_ _

__The rest of the drive is silent._ _

__…_ _

__

__Louis’ on his lunch break when he gets a call to his office._ _

__“Mr. Tomlinson,” a voice sounds over the buzzer. “I have a Mr. Styles here to visit you. Shall I send him in?”_ _

__Louis’ stomach turns. He's surprised Harry remember where he works, as Louis just mentioned it briefly the other night. They haven't spoken since the kiss, obviously, and Louis doesn't know how he should approach the situation. He and Harry _just_ reconnected, and it would be a shame to stop seeing other so soon, but he think that may be for the best. Louis won't be able to resist his urges if he keeps spending so much time with Harry. When he's around Harry, it brings him back to when they were both young and knew each other inside and out. Harry's changed in the most minuscule ways, like the way he articulates his thoughts and carries himself, but underneath, he's exactly how Louis remembers. They get on just as they did when they first met. He knows that if he lets himself continue with Harry after last night, he won't be able to control how completely natural it feels to fall right back into him. _ _

Still, he doesn't know why Harry is here, and no matter what the reason is, Louis should tell him sooner, rather than later that he needs space.

__“I suppose,” he answers._ _

__Moments later, Harry is peeking through the door._ _

__“Come on in, Harry.”_ _

__Harry enters the room slowly, holding a take-out cup of tea and a paper bag._ _

__“Hi, Louis,” Harry says. “I just wanted to apologize for last night, It was really inappropriate for me to-“_ _

__“Don’t worry about it, Harry really,” Louis cuts him off with a weak smile. “You’ve said sorry so many time within the last 48 hours, it’s making me sick.”_ _

__“Sorry- I mean, right,” Harry says awkwardly, forcing a smile. “I brought you tea and a scone. Thought you might be hungry. And about last night... I _really hope I didn’t ruin any of our progress. As friends.”_ _ _

__

__

__“Thank you, Harry,” Louis accepts the peace offering with a grin. “You haven’t ruined anything.”_ _

__Harry grins with a relieved sigh. "Oh, good. I was really worried I completely fucked up."_ _

__“However,” Louis says, biting his lip. “Probably best if we don’t see each other for a bit, yeah?”_ _

__Harry frowns. He looks at Louis worriedly. “Last time you said that, we didn’t speak for fifteen years._ _

__Louis’ stomach twists with guilt. “That won’t happen again, Harry. I promise.”_ _

__Harry nods, but he still looks worried. “I respect your decision.”_ _

__“Thank you,” Louis says again. “And thank you for the tea.”_ _

__“Any time,” Harry says with a weak smile. “I’ll see myself out.” He nods at Louis and turns to leave._ _

__“Hey, Harry,” Louis calls._ _

__Harry turns to face him, expression hopeful. “Yeah, Lou?”_ _

__“Was Jacob acting… weird after he saw Effy? Last night?”_ _

__Harry visibly deflates at the question._ _

__“Not terribly… He was quiet, but I didn’t think much of it.”_ _

__“Oh… alright,” Louis mumbles._ _

__“Is Effy okay?”_ _

__“Think so. She just seemed a bit off.”_ _

__Harry frowns. “Hope everything’s alright.”_ _

__“Me too,” Louis agrees, biting his lip. “I’ll see you around Harry.”_ _

__“See you.”_ _

__Harry leaves without looking back._ _

**Harry**  
Harry drives home after visiting Louis at work with his heart in his throat. He wants so badly to trust Louis that this isn't another end to their relationship, but he can't stop all the worst case scenarios running through his mind. There are few people in this world who can make Harry feel this sort of panic, and Louis, clearly even after fifteen years, is still one of them. It isn't as intense as it was when they broke up all those years ago, but the feeling is similar, regardless of the fact that him and Louis _aren't even dating._

Harry is terrified, really. Terrified that he might still be head over heels for Louis. He's spent over a decade putting himself back together, but just a taste of Louis has completely broken him down to his nineteen year-old self.

He pulls into the driveway and trudges up the steps to his home, calling out to Jacob and closing the door behind him

"Jake," he calls out. "You home, bud?"

"Dad," Jake calls from the kitchen. "You're home early."

"Yeah, I'm ahead at work right now. Took the afternoon off."

"Can I talk to you?"

Harry looks up from where he was putting away his coat. "Of course, bud. What's up?"

"Can we go to your room?"

"Yeah, of course," Harry reassures him. They walk to his room down the hall in silence. Jake has always been really open with Harry, much to Harry's delight. There's nothing better than having a healthy relationship with your son. He trusts Jake so much, and he knows that Jake is comfortable telling him anything. Harry has valued Jake's comfort from the start, especially as he adjusted to Harry's home when he first arrived. He wants Jake to feel safe in their home and know that he could run to his dad for anything.

Harry climbs into bed and leans against the pillows, and Jake lays beside him on his side.

"What's going on, love?"

Jake shuts his eyes, wincing. "I made a fool of myself with Effy last night."

Harry thinks back to what Louis said earlier, how he asked if Jake had been acting weird after the date, and how Effy apparently seemed unsettled afterwards. He furrows his eyebrows. "What happened?"

"She tried to kiss me," Jake says, his cheeks turning red. "But I didn't want to."

Harry nods slowly. "Fair enough. Was she upset?"

"She didn't seem angry," Jake sighs. "But it kind of... set the whole night off. Wasn't the same after. I could tell she wasn't happy."

"She was probably just as embarrassed as you were," Harry explains. "But it's good she respected your boundaries."

"Yeah... I just feel bad."

"Well... Why didn't you want to kiss her?"

Jake runs a hand through his hair nervously. "I don't know? I thought that I did, but then when she leaned in... I just couldn't do it."

"That's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. Don't feel like you have to, just because you started dating."

"But isn't that the whole point?"

Harry chuckles, patting Jake's hair. "The point is what you make it, bud. You two may not want the same things, and that's okay. But you'll figure it out. If she's okay with waiting until you're ready... then that's great. If not, then that's okay, too... Just be honest with her."

"Right," Jake agrees. "I told her I wasn't ready. Maybe in a few weeks I'll be ready."

"Don't push yourself," Harry reminds him. "Wait until you're absolutely sure."

"I will," Jake confirms. "Thank you, Dad."

"Any time, son," Harry says in an over-exaggerated "dad" voice. They both laugh. "Wanna get some lunch? I haven't eaten yet."

...

 

When Harry goes to sleep that night, he resists the urge to call Louis and say goodnight. He stares at Louis' contact for about five minutes, thumb hovering shakily over the "call" button. He ultimately decides it's not a good idea, and locks his phone. He lays awake for most of the night, mind racing with _Louis Louis Louis._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for some angst... ;)

The thing about long-term relationships is that the time and reason they end is usually completely unexpected. Sure, realistically, breaking up is always a possibility, and there’s no point in denying that. However, it seems like it never happens in the way that it’s imagined. After being with someone for so long, it makes sense for one to predict a breakup after such a long time to be fueled by something monumental. Harry and Louis’ breakup wasn’t like that at all. 

It was a slow burn to a roaring fire. Most of the time, they were great. They had a routine. They were used to each other. They worked. But other times, they clashed so hard it felt like anything could put their relationship at risk. They’d both wake up, eager to start their days, greeting one another with kisses and soft touches. By the end of the day, they’d both be in tears. They never wanted to argue, and they never tried to argue. It just happened. Something was consuming them, and it seems like no matter what they did, it couldn’t be stopped.

It got to the point where their “routine” wasn’t exactly good enough to outweigh the bad. There wasn’t enough to put out the fire. One can only take so much frustration and pain before love just isn’t enough anymore, before trying to salvage what’s left isn’t worth it anymore.

Fifteen years ago, Harry and Louis broke up for good. It wasn’t the first time they had broken up, either. They actually broke up a few times. The first time they broke up, it was roughly nine months into their relationship. Harry broke up with Louis. Louis was absolutely crushed for about thirty minutes, before Harry was blowing up his phone at 11 p.m. _I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. You’re amazing. You are. I’m sorry. I’m wearing your jumper. I’m sorry, Louis._ They met up at school the next morning like it never happened. When Louis asked him why he did it, Harry couldn’t really give him a straight answer. _I was starting not to feel like myself anymore. I got scared. But I’m fine._ Louis never forgot Harry’s words.

The second time they broke up, they had been dating for three years. Louis broke up with Harry. _I need to get you out of my system. You’re all I know. I need something different._ Harry seemed more vengeful than he was hurt. They both used other people, just to get under the other’s skin. It wasn’t long before were having make-up sex in a stranger’s guest room at a party they had both brought dates to.

The third and final time Louis and Harry broke up was provoked by a seemingly normal argument. They loved each other, more than either of them could properly describe. Before it happened, Louis had spent the months leading up to it, thinking about their first breakup. _I was starting not to feel like myself anymore._ Harry’s words haunted him every time he and Harry got into an argument. He couldn’t shake them away. After months of having the same argument over and over, Louis felt tired. And he could see it in Harry, too.

**Fifteen years ago**

_Harry came back to the flat after a shift at the bakery. Louis’ in the kitchen, cooking something smells decent, much to his displeasure, considering he got his own dinner- assuming Louis wouldn’t have started anything. Harry’s usually the one to cook. Of course, the one day Harry doesn’t feel like cooking and gets something for himself, Louis decides this is the night he’s preparing a meal._

_His shift was exhausting. Evenings usually aren’t too busy, but today was brutal. There were so many orders that Harry had to move from the register to the kitchen to help Barbara, considering he was the only cashier on board who had any baking experience. Which left Harry struggling to help both stations. His muscles were sore, and his legs ached._

_“Hey,” Louis greets from the kitchen. “I made some pasta, if you want some.”_

_Harry walks into the kitchen and kisses Louis on the cheek passively, before sitting at the sore excuse for a kitchen table that sat in between the cramped kitchen and sitting room._

_“Not hungry,” Harry mumbles. “Thanks.”_

_“Alright… More for me, I guess,” Louis sighs, clearly disappointed. “Something wrong?”_

_“Work was a bit shit,” Harry says, shrugging. “Don’t really wanna talk about it.”_

_“Okay, fair enough,” Louis mumbles. He makes himself a plate and sits across from his boyfriend. He twirls his fork to accumulate a large heap of spaghetti. “You know, you’ve been saying that after every one of your shifts for the last week.”_

_“I said I didn’t wanna talk about it, Louis,” Harry bites._

_“I know,” Louis tries to ease him. “I’m just saying… Maybe it’s time you looked for another place to work. Seems like you hate it there.”_

_“I don’t _hate_ it there,” Harry scoffs. “You know I love Barbara.”_

_“Well, of course,” Louis agrees. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t hate the job.”_

_“I don’t, Louis,” Harry huffs. “What do you care anyway?”_

_Louis laughs. “Well, where do I begin? First of all, you come home after your shift, miserable. The pay from that bakery barely helps us afford our flat. It just doesn’t really seem all that worth it.”_

_“We get by just fine,” Harry insists. “What do you suggest, Louis?”_

_“I don’t know, Harry. Just figured you should get a job you actually enjoy. So, then we’re not broke _and_ miserable.”_

_“We? Speak for yourself. I’m happy right where I am.”_

_Louis laughs wickedly. “Is that supposed to be a good thing? Settling. Very ambitious of you, love.”_

_“Oh, here we go with the ambition lecture. What more ambition do I need at this point in my life, other than work and school? I’m trying my best, Louis.”_

_Louis is silent, shaking his head impatiently. “Of course, you are, Harry. A low wage at a local bakery is definitely the best you can do. What a load of shit.”_

_“You know, when we fight,” Harry starts, biting his lip and shaking his head in disbelief. “When we fight, I feel like we’re some old farts who have been married for decades. I’m fucking nineteen, Louis. I shouldn’t have to have my entire life figured out at this age.”_

_“I’m not asking you to, Harry. But we live together. We have to at least try to shoot higher than whatever this is, if we want this to work.”_

_“I don’t think anything I could do would make you happy, Louis. You’d just find something else to get held up on. Something else you hate about our situation.”_

_“Yes, darling,” Louis says sarcastically. “I’m constantly spending my days, just searching for reasons to criticize you.”_

_Louis gets up to rinse his dish. He puts the leftover food away and begins to stress-clean. He’s moving things around a little rougher than necessary, grabbing and placing things down aggressively. He’s not wearing a shirt, and his light-wash jeans are unbuttoned, revealing black briefs. He begins to wash the dishes abruptly. Harry watches the way Louis’ back muscles shift as he reaches up to a high shelf, leaning forward on his toes, to place a glass in the cabinet._

_Harry rises from his seat. “Wouldn’t surprise me.”_

_Louis doesn’t answer. He’s too preoccupied with the fucking dishes. Anger bubbles up in Harry’s chest._

_“Look at me, I’m Louis Fucking Tomlinson. Finally making dinner and washing a dish to prove a point.”_

_Louis remains silent._

_That’s it._

_Harry approaches Louis where he stands in front of the sink, pressing his front to Louis’ back._

_“I hate when you ignore me,” He damn near growls. “Look at me.”_

_Louis doesn’t respond. He grabs a dry rag and dries his hands, before turning around and attempting to walk around Harry. Harry blocks him from moving, cornering him against the counter. “Look at me.”_

_Louis’ breath hitches, finally meeting Harry’s eyes._

_“Pay attention to me,” Harry says, coming out weaker than he intended it to._

_Louis stares at him as they both breathe unevenly. Their eyes say it all, hardly any expression needed to convey the frustration they’re both feeling. Harry feels hot all over, and he’s not sure if it’s the anger or Louis’ teasing that’s got him this worked up, but he doesn’t care._

_“Fine,” Louis agrees. “Get on your knees.”_

_Harry doesn’t say a word before he’s immediately obeying Louis’ command, the tile floor colliding with his knees. Louis’ hand is already tangled in his hair before Harry’s even touched him and Harry moans, tugging at the waistband of Louis’ briefs so that Louis’ cock gently springs up against his stomach. He’s half hard, so Harry takes him in his hand and guides the tip to his mouth, pressing a kiss and jerking him slowly. He licks teasingly at the head of his cock, looking up at Louis from under his lashes._

_Louis grips his hair a little tighter and pushes, tilting Harry’s head back so that his mouth is facing higher. Harry moans at the slight tug of his hair. Louis grips the base of his own cock, guiding between Harry’s lips, not breaking eye contact with Harry._

_“Take it,” Louis says roughly. Harry moans, and accepts, lips closing around Louis’ cock and his head bobbing quickly. He’s hard in his own jeans, so he uses his freehand to undo his fly, trying to relieve some of the restraints, palming himself through the soft material of his boxers and making a low noise in the back of his throat as he took Louis even deeper._

_Louis’ hand leaves his hair and Harry whimpers, pulling off and opening his eyes and looking up to find Louis staring forward blankly with his arms steadying himself against the counter._

_“Lou,” Harry breathes, his hand moving quickly over Louis’ cock. He needs Louis to look at him. “Louis!”_

_Louis looks down at him and smirks. “Can’t even blow me without being the center of attention, can you?” Harry let’s out a groan, his lips parting slightly for Louis’ cock._

_“Please.”_

_“No,” Louis hums lowly. “You want my attention? You’ve got it. Hands behind your back.”_

_Harry obeys immediately and looks up at Louis, his eyes still watering from deepthroating. He locks his hands behind his back and waits impatiently._

_Louis grips his cock and begins to jerk himself off in front of Harry’s face. Harry’s eyes followed his hand up and down, his mouth watering as a bead of precum pooled at the tip. Harry loved this, Louis teasing him and lot letting him touch. He has to lock his fingers together tightly to stop himself from reaching around to the front of this jeans and getting himself off as he watches Louis’ eyes flutter shut and his eyebrows knit. Louis’ tongue flicks over his lips, something Harry knows he does when he’s getting close._

_“Getting on your knees because I wouldn’t answer you,” Louis huffs, tugging faster at his cock. “You’re unbelievable.”_

_Harry whines high in his throat, parting his lips again. “Please.”_

_“Yeah? You want to keep blowing me?”_

_Harry nods eagerly, not removing his eyes from Louis’ nimble fingers working over his cock. “Want it, Louis. Want you to fuck my mouth.”_

_Louis forces a breathy laugh. “I bet you would like that, baby.”_

_“Please, Louis,” Harry begs. He laps at Louis’ balls as Louis jerks himself even faster, his hand twisting as it moves up and down. He takes one into his mouth, avoiding contact with his teeth and licking over the smooth skin._

_“Fuck,” Louis breathes. “Fuck, Harry.” Harry makes a pleased sound at the sound of his name, preening at the praise. Louis’s free hand returns to Harry’s hair, gripping tightly and pulling Harry’s mouth off of him. Harry sighs at the loss._

_“This what you want?” Louis breathes._

_“Please,” Harry agrees, nodding and opening his mouth wide, his tongue out._

_“Fuck, Harry!” Louis groans, the sight of Harry waiting so eagerly for him sending over the edge. White ropes of his come splatter across Harry’s bottom lip and drip down his chin, and finally, the rest lands onto his tongue. Harry maintain eye contact as he swallows what made it into his mouth._

_Louis swipes his thumb along Harry’s chin to collect what dripped there, holding it to Harry’s mouth. Harry gives it a soft lick before wrapping his lips around his thumb and sucking it clean._

_Harry rises from the floor. Now that the adrenaline is slowing down, he suddenly notices the pain in his muscles and joints from his strenuous work day. He groans when Louis slides one of his hands down the front of his pants, shoving his face into Louis’ neck and Louis jerks him off. He bites down gently on Louis’ neck as he comes, hips thrusting into Louis’ fist and knuckles white where they gripped at the counter top._

_Harry pulls back, breathing heavy. He looks at Louis, but Louis’ not looking at him. He suddenly feels guilt rushing through his veins from their previous argument._

_“I’m sorry, Louis,” he murmurs. Louis is still not looking at him. “Baby…”_

_“It’s okay, Harry,” Louis says softly. “Can we just go to bed?”_

_“Yeah, babe. Yeah,” Harry agrees, taking Louis’ hand and guiding them down their narrow hallway. “Shower with me?”_

_…_

_They take a long shower, Harry trying not to worry about how quiet Louis’ being. He takes his time massaging soap into Louis’ skin, scratching circles into his scalp with shampoo. Louis returns the favor, but he stays silent the entire time, barely sparing Harry a glance._

_They climb into bed, Harry naked apart from a pair of boxers and Louis in a T-shirt and briefs. Harry’s usually the little spoon, but he senses Louis needing to be held. He can just tell, after cuddling someone for six years, you can tell when they need you._

_He pulls Louis’ back to his chest and holds him tight, rubbing circles into Louis’ stomach and pressing kisses to his shoulder. Harry tries to process the events from their evening together. He feels so guilty for snapping at Louis. It's not Louis' fault his shift was stressful. It's not Louis' fault he already ate dinner. It's not Louis' fault. Louis wasn't trying to hurt him when he told him he should quit, and Harry knows that. Why can he only see reality after they've already hurt each other? Why can't he see it in the moment, and prevent it? Why can't he stop the irritation from consuming him every time Louis tries to help him? He feels like he is being consumed by another person, someone who works too hard, someone who doesn't make enough money for his family, someone who hates his job and his life and his everything. The only thing in his every day routine that he loves is Louis, and he can't even enjoy that aspect of his life anymore._

_He wants to apologize again. He wants to tell Louis everything he loves about him. He wants to thank Louis for looking out for him, and encouraging him to be better. He wants to spark up what they used to have. He wants Louis to feel loved, not hurt. He can't help the tears that sting behind his eyes. He doesn't want to hurt Louis. He misses when they first got their flat, and they'd come home to one another and call out, "Honey, I'm home!" as if they were on an old sitcom. He misses christening every part of their flat, even if it was small and they'd run out of options soon enough. He misses making dinner for Louis every night and making him breakfast every Sunday._

__

__

_It's impossible to pinpoint exactly when things started going downhill, but it happened quickly. They were already dating for a while before they moved in together, so it seemed obvious that they would both be ready. But Harry knows now, they weren't. Not at all._

_Sometimes, Harry wishes he never met Louis. He wishes that they could meet later in life, when they've both experienced life separately, and have both grown in their own ways. He pictures them both in their mid twenties, stumbling into each other at a coffee shop and hitting it off. He pictures them at thirty, going to the same wedding and falling love at first sight. He wants Louis to be the one. His last person. But instead, Louis is his first. Harry's not sure if he will be able to have both. At least, not anymore._

_He wishes he were saying this all out loud to Louis, but he bites his tongue. He gets as close as he can to Louis, enveloping the smaller boy in his arms. He's holding on for dear life. He has a feeling of dread in his stomach. He has a feeling he won't get to experience this much longer._

_When their breath is starting to even out, Harry can’t help but ask, “You think we’re gonna be okay, Lou?”_

_Louis is silent for a moment. “I promise, we’ll be okay, Harry.”_

_…_

_The next morning is a Saturday and Harry wakes up to an empty bed._

_…_

__Louis, where are you?_ _

__You’re scaring me, Lou. Come home._ _

_**I’m at my mum’s . Need a break . I’ll see you soon, H .** _

__A break? Louis? For how long?_ _

__Louis please answer me._ _

_**Just a few months. We need this . It’ll be better when it’s over, okay ? It’s just a break .** _

__Are …we single right now, Louis? Is that what you’re telling me right now?_ _

_**Yes.** _

__Louis, no. Please._ _

__Louis.. please call me._ _

__Come home. I need you._ _

__Louis_ _

__Lou…  
_ _

**Harry... this is the last text I am sending you for a while. Please don't respond. I don't feel like myself, anymore. We don't feel like us anymore. I need to be on my own for a while, and so do you. I know you don't think so, but this is what's best for both of us. We're too wrapped up in each other, we don't know who we are anymore. We fight most days, and it's taking so much out of me, I feel weak. Please just let us have some space. We'll try again later, okay? Goodbye, Harry.**

_Harry sobs as he reads the text. It takes absolutely everything in him not to call Louis, and beg for Louis' forgiveness. He shuts off his phone to stop himself, knowing if he invades Louis' space it'll make everything worse._

...

_Every morning, the pain starts before Harry even wakes up. It's like when he's in between sleep and consciousness, his subconscious remembers that Louis' isn't sleeping next to him. That part of his mind is terrified of waking up. His body is on fire before he even opens his eyes. Strangely enough, he doesn't have nightmares. He only dreams of him and Louis, happy and smiling like they used to. He forgets everything while he is dreaming, it's almost like his mind trying to save him. It all rushes back when he opens his eyes, making mornings the worst part of every single day._

...

_A week after Louis leaves, Harry quits the bakery._

...

_About a month after Louis leaves, he lands a job in customer service that pays £12 per hour, as well as a paid internship at a local law firm through his school. He even starts babysitting on weekends. He has so much money he doesn't even know what to do with it, besides put it into savings for him and Louis. He doesn't get a new flat, he wants to wait until Louis comes back. He has an elaborate plan to win Louis back. He'll call Louis, ask to get coffee, tell him he found a new job and quit the bakery. When the coffee date goes well, he'll sign the lease on the flat he's been looking at for weeks, and bring Louis there the next time he sees him. His heart lurches at just the thought of seeing his boy again._

...

_Liam comes to Harry and Louis' flat on a foggy Sunday morning to collect Louis' things. Harry feels sick the entire time. He tries calling Louis that night to tell him about the flat he found, but he doesn't get an answer._

...

 _The last time Harry sees Louis, it's at a funeral. Harry made sure to ask Liam if Louis was okay with him attending. Louis respectfully allowed him to attend, and Harry is so grateful for that. Harry loved Jay almost as much as he loves his own mum. Jay's always been so accepting of Harry, treating him like family. He feels like a part of his life is missing without being a part of Louis' family anymore, because they were that close. He wishes he could thank her for everything, wishes he could have said goodbye before she was gone._

_Harry dresses in all black. He arrives at the funeral home, spending most of the ceremony glued to Liam's side. He can't face Louis and his sisters. He knows he is welcome here, but he also knows that Louis needs space from him right now. Erica is at the funeral. Harry knows her name, because Liam told him. She's stunning. She has delicate features and long brunette hair. Her baby bump is subtly protruding under her black dress. She's about six months pregnant. She carries it well, and the dress she's wearing conceals it for the most part. But Harry knows it's there. He knows she is carrying Louis' baby. Even if Louis wanted to see him right now, he's not sure he could approach him with such a beautiful, pregnant woman sitting right beside him._

_He keeps his distance from Louis and his family. Most of the family has left the ceremony, and so Harry takes the opportunity to kneel in front of the casket and pray. He prays for Jay, he prays for Louis. He prays for Lottie and Fizzy and Phoebe and Daisy. And Doris and Ernest. And Dan. He prays for Louis' baby, who will never get to know how wonderful Jay was. He thanks Jay for everything she has done for him, and for treating him like a son. Tears streak down his cheeks and he opens his eyes, about to rise from his knees when he sees Louis kneeling next to him, fingers locked and eyes closed. They say goodbye to Jay together._

_When they are both done, they share a knowing glance and a nod, and that's it. That's the last time Louis and Harry see each other for over a decade._

...

_Harry signs the lease on the flat. But he never gets to show Louis. He never gets to blindfold him and drive him there, or hold his hand to lead him through the door. He doesn't get to the shocked expression on Louis' face when he sees that the sitting room, kitchen, and dining room are actually all separate from one another, or that their bedroom is double the size as their last. Harry is proud of what he's achieved, but his flat is too big. He misses being cramped up with Louis. He wishes there were someone else to fill the space._


End file.
